The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
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What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
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Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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