You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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