We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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