My friends, they love my intelligence
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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