About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made out with two different species that night
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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