I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
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It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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