Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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