WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
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I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
it's great music for shaving your balls
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all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
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