please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
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Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
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Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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