If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize