we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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