On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
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I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
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I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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