cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize