We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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