When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
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It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
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btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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