Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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