just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize