At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize