Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
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For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
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Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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