worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
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i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
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It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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