I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
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please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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