just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
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