Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Me too!
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I am one with the molecules
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize