Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
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She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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