I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
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We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
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