you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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