seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize