I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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