guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I need to align my fucking chakras
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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