OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
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i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
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then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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