Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
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I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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