We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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