Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
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Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
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I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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