there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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