I'm really into asian looking animals
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
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So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
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I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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