sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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