I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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