I wish I could punch you in the face.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
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If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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