I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize