I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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