I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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