There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize