puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize