Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
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I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
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