I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize