Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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