So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
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