finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
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I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
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She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize