fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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