there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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